My thoughts undergo a process of purification, like testing material and modifying chemical balance in water.
The fluidity of the content in me has taken time. In my case I don't like to hear genetics take the credit for the qualities of my existence.
Speaking within the context of my "intelligence" or "intellect" that is perceived in myself.. It has taken work over time for me to be this way.
The stepping stone was genuine curiosity and taking responsibility for what I wanted to learn or understand.
That being said, I wonder what would happen if I just spoke my mind without any intellectualization. Without sitting on my flow of information, meditating on the current of my life, without being patient for a point of self-honesty and self-reflection to open.. What if I wasn't this way? What if I spouted off raw, allowing emotions to take sentiments? I have become the grounds for my self-controlled individuality, my existence begins within a plan. I see myself not as a final stage of anything, just a mere preparation for all that will certainly happen, a mirror-preparation, looking into the make up of my being - by fixing my reflections, mirrors repair, and so do my image replications = my image and likeness as a human being. My life is like foreplay, because I am before the play, my stimulus leads to action. I have to lead myself to the moment of becoming, arising from our sensations. Before I seed myself into the future through the ground of hereness, I must give functions to the life I will live. In my eyes I am not even born, because the self I am currently is not the self I define myself as. This was all just given to me and I accepted/allowed it - now it acts as an environment for rebirth to my greater nature. This name, body, language, all of me currently is not owned by 'me'. It is quite frankly my mom and dad's accidental mirror.. and humanity's debt. I am them as well as everyone I've faced and experienced since them. The human world owns "me". Who I am in this moment is just one with the home that is my body. I'm a temporary care taker for the environment that is my body. When I do well enough, I will be able to give a life to this name and body that I truly want. Who I am right now is only acceptable if it serves as a stepping stone. I'm a test for something more. I must pass myself to advance. I must transcend myself to move beyond. I've shed some layers, but all of me must adapt or go for what is to come. A cell will destroy itself in the interest of what is best for all - and I see this true for myself. If I cannot adapt to serve the interest of all life - I'm only helping perpetuate the shit I want to get rid of. May the force of life be with me, because I would surely like to exist as a self-designed individual.
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